Today’s run was… eh, just okay. The one before that was just okay, too. 4 miles, nothing spectacular. Slow. Boring. But manageable. I don’t know. I just want to get through the Corporate Challenge next week and figure out what to do next. I feel like it’s time to step up, in terms of the length of my runs, but I’m feeling scared about that, and frustrated, too.

I was thinking today, before I even ran, that I should be further along in my mileage, that an 8 mile run should not be a problem, let alone a 6 mile run, but here I am, struggling to run 4 some days, 5 on others. I’m slow, and while my times are improving, my distance is not. I’ve been at this for over a year, and I’m no further along than I was last September. I mean, I know I had that injury and 3 month lay-off, but still.

Talking to Rob on the phone made it worse, in some ways. He had just gotten back from a run, along the route we sometimes go, running farther than we normally run together, in only 36:00. *sigh*

I don’t know. None of this changes how I feel about running, my love of it, or my need to do it. I’m just frustrated and tired, and maybe I need a nap.

I just realized that the Chase Corporate Challenge is next week! The big clue-in was when our t-shirts showed up. You know, the ones I designed? And ordered? Jeez. Could I be any more disorganized this week?

Well, that just shows how a product launch, followed by a trip, then a UK tradeshow deadline, can throw you off kilter, I guess. There are just too many balls in the air right now, so to speak, and I keep losing track of what’s going on with increasing regularity. Must mean it’s getting to be summer. Not that you’d know from the weather in Boston, that’s for sure.

Thank god for running though, huh? And speaking of running, I am going to finish up a couple of things, and then head out for a nice run in the rain.

Ah. Back on track, at last.

Last night’s run was just… WOW. It was great, it cheered me up, and it reminded me why I love running in the first place. The big hill was nothing, and I ran a little farther than I did last time before turning around. I’m sure that the cooler temps, and lack of blooming lilacs had something to do with this, but it was a nice, comfortable run.

When it started to get hard, I thought of Mark’s “after” concept, smiled a big smile, and said to myself, “this is the easy part. The big hills are done, and now you’re just coasting. Relax,” which totally helped. Before I knew it, I had rounded the last bend in the road and saw my car parked just up ahead. Well done, me!

These past few weeks have been weird. I had been feeling like crap, and worrying about my enthusiasm for running since taking a week+ off. It really seemed like it would be so easy to never run another step, letting other things get in the way and allowing one week to slide into two, then three, and so on. Part of that was knowing that my first run after said time off was going to be hard, and likely to suck, and the other part was just general life stuff – taking a trip, having meetings for Open Studios, needing to go grocery shopping, or make art, or a hundred other things. But then yesterday, after that run, I was feeling all sweaty, my glasses misted over from the drizzle, thinking, “wow, this kicks so much ass. I feel amazing,” and I promised myself to remember everything about that run so that I could feed off of those memories when I felt like slacking.

Everybody slacks, sometimes. It’s only natural. Life does get in the way once in a while, and that’s just the way it goes. I feel like I’m back into a groove again now with both running and eating, like some big weight has been lifted, and I’m trying not to worry about my job anymore.

It will all work out. It always does. And you know, nothing can be worse than 7 years ago, when I’d moved to Connecticut and didn’t know anyone, to a job that wasn’t at all what had been promised, being broke and getting fat, wondering what the hell I was doing with my life, and if I’d just make the biggest mistake ever. I still wonder what I’m doing with my life, but at least the other stuff is going okay. My job isn’t great, but it’s not completely awful, I have some money, I’m fit again, and I have a great boyfriend, so in the grand scheme of things, life is really good.

See how running can change your perspective overnight? This is amazing stuff, man.

It’s been over a week since my last run. Awful, I know. Work, travel, out of town guests, and exhaustion have kept me off the roads, but today I am ready to get back out there. I had even planned to run while I was in Ohio, but my schedule was all off, due to my parents and sister planning the whole trip out down to the minute, and David and I going drinking every night. It was not pretty. No.

But today I’ve cleared my schedule, and I can’t wait to run. I’ve decided to do the hilly route, post-carpool, and enjoy the rain (if it is, in fact, still raining). I’m not going to bring my watch either. Just going to go and run. Simple.

Oh it’s been so busy and crazy, I haven’t made time to run since Sunday, and I am hating that.

Notice I said that I didn’t make time to run, intead of didn’t have time to run. I firmly believe that you always have time, you just don’t always want to have time badly enough to actually get out there. So anyway, I have been busy with other commitments, and while I would love to be making a commitment to myself, I’ve been helping others these last few days, and have been spent by the end of it.

That said, I’m leaving for Ohio tomorrow and will definitely run a few days while I’m there. My gear is packed and everything. No excuses.

My flight leaves at 5:45am from Logan, which is just… ugh. Luckily, Rob is the best boyfriend in the whole world and is driving me to the airport, so that I don’t have to worry about the whole drive to work, park in the garage, walk down to the hotel to catch a cab to the airport, pre-5am dealie.

I’ve been thinking about Rob a lot lately. Spring always puts me in an introspective mood, and when I’m lost in thought about my life, I think mostly about my relationship, or my job, and since my job is not even worth thinking about (unless I feel the need to start crying, or cussing, or both), Rob has been at the forefront of late.

He’s not just my boyfriend; he’s my partner. I can’t believe, sometimes, how lucky I am to have him, and better still, he runs. He makes me feel good about myself, and about my progress, even when I am frustrated and not seeing the big picture. Even though his running goals are different than mine and he’s faster than me, he’s always encouraging (without being patronizing), and that is the best – to hear him say “you ran great today,” or, “I can’t believe you ran that far.” He never wants to run a race, but he’s a fantastic race support crew of one. He thinks confidence is sexy, and that I have plenty of that. :)

Oh, and he’s totally hot. Did I mention that? I mean… DAMN.

Okay, enough about my fantastic running and life partner. For some reason, I just felt an overwhelming need to write about him. After all, he’s pretty swell.

I didn’t end up running on Friday, even though I really wanted to. I ended up working until 7:15, well after everyone had gone home, and by then I was so tired that I just wanted to go to Rob’s, drink a nice glass of wine, and just hang out with him. We ended up taking a nice walk (the weather was beautiful), then driving up to my house where I made a gourmet meal of grilled cheese and tomato soup. LOL. We had been trying to decide what to eat and for some reason, that sounded so good! It was.

On Saturday, to make up for Friday’s slack-fest, I went out for 3 miles in the morning. Unfortunately, I didn’t head out early enough and was greeted with 83º temps and full sun. It didn’t start sucking until right at the end though, and my big hill was so easy this time, so I felt a sense of accomplishment even though my run wasn’t great. The rest of the day was spent gallery sitting at Ayer Lofts, and then down to Evos to see the UMass BFA show that Michele curated. I tell you what, for undergraduates, there was a lot of really cohesive work, and I was really moved by some of the paintings.

Lots of healthy eating on Saturday, for the most part. Had dinner with some friends and watched a movie at their house. There was a thunderstorm and we watched the lightening and the sky shifting colors, which was cool.

Today I spent the morning lounging around at Rob’s and trying to convince him to run with me without success. I headed out around 1:00 with no real expectations other than that I wanted to run longer than 3 miles, and I’m positive I ran over 4. It was a great run, really – cloudy, drizzling, and cool. I settled in really easily and coasted for the first 2 miles or so, but that’s when things started to get a little weird.

On the route near Rob’s house, there’s this path that winds around near the river, behind the state police station, and I’ve never been back there, but it seems safe enough during the day. Well, I got back in there and it wasn’t what I expected. There was all this really tall grass, and it was right up to the path. There was no one back there when I came around the first turn, and because I am super concerned about my personal safety, I got really freaked out. When I saw some guy standing there talking on his cell phone, looking at me, I got even more scared and started cooking it through there. I wanted out as fast as possible, and luckily the path curved again and made its way back near the state police station in short order.

Now, as I passed this guy, I looked directly at him (never down), and said hi. He said to the person on the other end of the line, “well, some lady is back here running, so it must be pretty safe,” and then I felt pretty stupid for being scared, but you know, better safe than sorry. I’m sure that on a sunny day it would have been totally fine, but even from the beginning of my run, the path was mostly deserted, and being tucked away back there made me afraid. And I hate to feel afraid. Anyway, because I ran so fast through there, I didn’t have more than 4 miles in me by the end, which was fine really.

So it was a weird running weekend. Some of it good, some not so good. But that’s life, and either way, I’m glad I went.

I am counting down the hours until I can go for a nice long run and let the stress drain away. Seriously, I work with fuckwits, and if I wasn’t running today, I swear to God that I would set this place on fire.

*sigh*

I had planned to run 4 miles last night, and only ran 3.25. Normally this would bother me, but for some reason I’m just going with it, logging the miles, and feeling pretty good about the quality of the run, rather than focusing on the mileage total.

Had another run on the Charles planned, but again, didn’t feel like running there. I go through phases with my running, where I visualize myself running in a particular place and if it doesn’t strike me as fun, I don’t run in that location on that particular day. Again, I like to mix it up. So anyway, I decided to run near my friend’s house (since we car-pooled yesterday), but instead of running on the track, I wanted to check out the road that the high school was on, because the small portion of it that I saw looked really great for running.

It was.

First of all, it was quiet. There were some cars, but not too much traffic, lots of walkers, in a nice (safe) neighborhood, with big shady trees, and rolling hills. And I mean rolling hills. Lots of them. The first quarter mile was flat, which made for a nice warm-up/cool-down, but then the road curved and the hills began. Running in the heat and humidity was tough, especially with all the lilacs in bloom, lawns being cut, and horse poop smells (there is a small farm right across from the high school), but I have to admit that I loved running that route, and felt a real sense of accomplishment at the end of it. My usual routes are pretty flat, or have one small hill or bridge, so this was much more of a challenge. Next time, I’ll run just a big farther before turning around.

Oh! And I did the two things I always do when running gets hard.
- I smiled, and
- I silently cussed out the hills. LOL. I was like, “F*** you, stupid hill. I can run you. No way you’re making me walk, you bastard!”

It works every time, I’m telling you.

Last night was a tough run, but an exhilirating one. I had planned to run on the Charles after work, but late in the day I just wasn’t feeling it, and running seemed to have a “have to” rather than a “want to” feeling about it, so I decided to change my plans and mix it up.

I had to drive George home, and he lives right across the street from a middle school & high school complex, where I know they have a nice track; I can see it from the highway. I was trying to talk George into walking the track while I ran, but he was easily distracted when we drove by the ice cream place, so the plan became for me to do some interval training while he walked up to get ice cream.

One mile warm-up, one mile intervals (200 yards race pace, 200 recovery), three-quarters of a cool-down. It was fun! The track was cushioned and it was nice out there. Very quiet. My only company was a few walkers, one runner, and the soccer team practicing on the field. I think I’ll run there again. Maybe with headphones because it’s pretty boring to run in circles. :)

Today I’m going to run 4 miles or so after work. It was hot yesterday and it’ll be hot today, but I think I’m getting used to it.

32:41 Gun time
32:26 unofficial time

Either way, that’s a new PR.