A few weeks ago I switched to early morning running, and it’s been going pretty well, except for the feeling like I am constantly behind with everything in my life. This stems from my current, weird schedule more than anything, and that going to bed early is not really in my nature. It makes me feel frustrated, disorganized, and like all I ever do is work, commute, and run.

My commute sucks, by the way. An hour+ in the morning, and often at night, too. A “good” commute is like 45:00 each way, so that gives you a little background.

So anyway, morning running. I felt like I was just blowing off runs too often and that running after work left little time for other things that I really love, like painting or hanging out with my friends. Ultimately, I decided that I didn’t want to have to choose between these things which were so important to me, so I began sucking it up and going to the gym in the morning. Also thrown in there were a few outside runs in the AM, but those sucked so much ass that I won’t even bring them up. I’m finally adjusted to a schedule now, the waking and sleeping parts anyway, and I’m feeling like it’s becoming a more regular routine. This is a great thing.

This week, I started the Hal Higdon Spring Training program. I’ll link to it tomorrow, but it’s on HalHigdon.com for those of you with mad copy-paste skillz. I ran 1.5m (fast) on Tues, 3 miles today, and will do another 1.5m intervals tomorrow. Friday is a rest day. Saturday I’ll run 3, then swim on Sunday. Yay, me. I rock!

I was getting frustrated with the free Blogger blog, you know, “Weight”, and how it really limited the amount of things I could put in the sidelines there, like books and whatnot, without a lot of monkeying around with the templates, so I switched. Good. Done. You can view the old blog here, if you are so inclined.

I suppose that my main reason for switching templates and blog providers lies mostly in a thematic shift in the blog’s content itself. Originally, Weight was supposed to be about what I ate, getting healthy and losing a few pounds, and monitoring my progress with such. Well, once the weight came off (all 22 *documented* pounds of it – this does not include the 5 or so pounds that I lost before starting this whole thing), the journal entries stopped coming, too. I was just obsessing about my food way too much, and given my history of eating disorders, I didn’t feel like it was worth going down that path again, or even *flirting* with the idea, which is what I was doing, honestly. So, time goes by, I don’t post, yadda yadda yadda… then along came March 11th, 2003 – the day I started running.

It was such an important day, and I can remember so many things about it. Especially important was that it was just days before my 31st birthday, and I was feeling like I was in a pretty good place emotionally, but that I wanted to do… I don’t know, something more, you know, for myself. There were (and still are) quite a few runners in my office, and I had spoken with one of them earlier in the week about liking the idea of running, but ultimately hating running because it was hard and every time I had tried it I had given up after a few weeks because I just sucked at it, Big Time. Anyway, my coworker recommended that I try a structured run/walk program. “There are a bunch of them online,” she said. “You’ll be running 3 miles in no time.”

“HA,” I thought, but promptly went back to my desk and slacked for an hour while I searched for run/walk programs that seemed reasonable. Nike had one, Runner’s World had one, but the one I picked was CoolRunning.com’s Couch to 5K program (C25K), because the title made me feel like it would probably start easy enough that even I could handle it. So, with my starting weight back up to about 150lbs (gained back 10, oops), I started the C25K. It was hard, but not impossible. I started a running log and diligently recorded my runs, along with my observations about how I was feeling, etc.

Now, for background, I can swim a mile without so much as stopping for a breather, and I can hold yoga poses so long that it freaks me out, but running was a totally different animal. It was everything I loved: Challenging, outside, and meditative at the same time. I was hooked.

After 10 weeks, I “graduated” from the C25K program and started running 3 miles, 3x per week. Slowly (I thought), I started to up my mileage. I ran the Chase Corporate Challenge in June, and the Kerouac 5K in Lowell in October (PR: 32:58!!!) My times were abysmally slow on those training runs, like 12:00 miles, but I plodded along and built up to a whopping 16 miles per week, which I would complete in 4 runs. Little did I know, however, that I was doing more and working harder than my body could handle.

In late October I started feeling pain in my hip and back. A visit to a physical therapist revealed ITBS and bursitis, and a leg-length discrepency. I had been trying to run through the pain for most of October, but my PT visit in November really set me straight. “No running. None. None at all,” they said. I almost started to cry right then and there. My lower lip quivering, I asked, “Can I swim at least?” The answer was yes. So for the next 2.5 months I went to PT twice a week and swam laps at the Y, which felt so much easier than running ever did – I can’t even tell you.

Fast forward ’til now. I am running again, albeit a modest 9 miles a week, with custom orthotics, intense amounts of daily stretching, some strength training, and one awesome day of pool time. Being out of commission for those months really taught me a few things about myself that I simply never knew. First, that I had the wearwithall to stick with it, even through major obstacles. In the dawn of my running days, I was concerned with getting hurt, because I was so sure, positive even, that if I was sidelined for even 2 weeks, I’d quit entirely. But I didn’t. I so didn’t, and I am unbelieveably proud of that. Second, I am much less concerned with times, distances, competition (even with myself) than I was just a few, short months ago. I am grateful to be able to run again, and I will do everything I possibly can to remain in this injury-free state of bliss that I’m currently floating in. I feel like I have too much invested in this little journey, just over 1 year old, to do something to screw it up.

I’m 32 now, and I’m in the best shape of my adult life. I’m happy, too. Running gives me something that is hard to express in words to non-runners. It’s hard, it often sucks and is painful, but… it makes me feel strong, and not just in a physical sense. I am a strong woman. Powerful. Graceful. Fast. Well, okay, not fast – my times still hover around the 11:15 mile mark, but they are getting better. I am getting better, and in so many ways.

That’s why I didn’t need do continue with Weight anymore. It’s not about the weight. I’ve only lost 5 pounds since beginning this running gig, but I’m at the same pants size I was at 140 lbs, and my clothes fit better now than they did at that weight. I have muscles in places I barely remembered, and I look fucking hot in a skirt, lemme tell ya. :)

Anyway, that’s probably more than you wanted to know, but so it goes. If you’ve read this far, I congratulate you and should probably send you a care package or something. Thanks for reading, and I’ll post detailed, dorky, running-related stories in a bit.

xoxo